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saviorsoulSo yeah Kira's relationship meme forced me to actually settle my thoughts on this matter. They are still pretty all over the place, but I think it flows better that way. This essay also doesn't touch on Alexiel because that deserves it own special essay, Alexiel being somewhat of a crazy bitch. The other thing to keep in mind that this essay pertains to Setsuna, as I play him, meaning post-volume11 with post-volume18 knowledge, as provided by his castmates. Regrettably, this means you lose most of the canon Setsuna/Lucifer interaction and eventual "resolution." It makes things a lot more complicated, but since this is camp-focused, what you see is what you get.
*Warning: This makes no sense, proves that I think Setsuna is a bit psychotic and is the lamest non-answer in the world for the major question. But it's an essay so that in itself is an accomplishment for me. It also took more than two hours and a good 30 minutes of random revision.*
SOOOO ABOUT KIRA-SEMPAI...
First some background: Setsuna's relationships, regardless of how platonic or nay they may be, have always rattled discordantly in my mind. A lot of this has to do with how emotionally... bizarre Setsuna is. I say bizarre because that's the best way I can explain a character who can take things in the most extreme way possible (forcing people away to protect them, getting all suicidal, losing it completely whenever he fails to protect someone, sacrificing almost anything in the pursuit of selfish love) and yet still show this blunt "I'll help you but you must also try/want to save yourself" attitude when people need him most.
I think this is the after-effect of his natural inclination to protect (not saying this is entirely Messiah-related but that's probably tied somewhere in there) and his constant questioning about whether he deserves to be loved. Some of this can be attributed to his issues with his parents (particularly his mother and her denouncement of him as something wrong), some to his own self-dislike (not able to confess his feelings for a long time and yet not able to relinquish them either) and some as an afterimage of Alexiel and her own set of issues (ultimately betraying Rociel). Either way, Sara comes heavily into play in this scenario through her being there and one of his first true sources of unconditional love, someone who wants him around. And no, I am not brave enough to essay on Sara. YET.
So anyway, you start out with a confused, self-hating kid whose soul is already well-accustomed to being miserable and abused and who probably blames himself a great deal for his splintered family (which probably has more to do with his asshole of a cheating father.) This creates a bit of a violent, defensive side, further fed by Alexiel's blood-lust and often matched with that extreme protective instinct. Setsuna's also used to things never being sugar-coated around him and so develops this blunt outlook on life, not pessimistic but more "well, this is obvious." As Kira says early on, this tends to piss people off and then Setsuna goes on the defensive in his own crazy way. With all these warring emotions, something's bound to SNAP. And it does. A lot.
Enter Kira.
I'm easily convinced Setsuna thought Kira was crazy at first. Crazy for putting himself into Setsuna's life. Also that whole throwing firecrackers thing. But crazy worked for Setsuna since crazy was a distraction from everything else. So he started to press the point, to seek Kira out. Which probably led to those "HEY show me how you did that!" situations and eventually the "Where you going? Can I come too?" situations. What brat isn't mesmerized by the bigger and stronger kid who doesn't push him away or beat up on him for kicks and even willingly drags him along at times? Even if half of those times Setsuna just wanted to sulk and Kira was like hell no. The distraction Kira presented was just the sort of channeling Setsuna needed at times, not to mention those pretty earrings that quelled the KILLING RAGE.
Setsuna immersed himself in his semi-badboy mentorship with Kira and along the way realized Kira didn't give two shits what his issues were and would even put up with him when he bitched about them. Things stopped being just about getting away from everything that sucked and started being about being around someone who *got* him. Who didn't mind what he was and who would back him up if he actually needed it. In a word, family. And since Sara is the only family Setsuna has ever actually had, Kira was yanked into that mess. This is why Setsuna's ideal world will always be one where he can be happy with Sara and Kira. Canon tells us he can accept having only part of this, but the dream never truly fades.
Kira is also the person who constantly validates Setsuna. Though as it's been stated, he won't fight his battles, he gives Setsuna confidence to follow his own path. When Setsuna was fucked up by his life, Kira showed him there was still someone who didn't care if he was a freak. When Setsuna was trapped in his love for Sara, Kira was the first person to help him understand love can't be wrong. When Setsuna loses Sara and nearly loses his mind, it's Kira who brings him back and accepts Setsuna's asinine wish to retrieve Sara from Hades. And of course in later canon, his dying words are to confirm Setsuna is his own person and not just the reincarnation of this influential angel.
This final scene with Kira as we know him is important since a major bone of contention with Setsuna is who Kira loves more: him or Alexiel. Know this is an extremely stream-lined way of putting the Setsuna/Alexiel/Kira situation since the whole not quite jealousy deal is a mixture of Setsuna's own emotional anxiety, his fear of losing what he has left and his general dislike of having his life out of control and ruled by the fate of someone else. Choosing Alexiel over him pretty much equates to not needing Setsuna. Since his whole deal is being wanted, this is a bad thing. That and he does want Kira to see HIM. He kind of gets over this, but that's mostly for the sake of reasoning with Lucifer, and Setsuna doesn't easily merge the two. He either addresses one or the other, using different points for each. But more on that later.
With all this in mind, that Setsuna loves Kira is no question. BUT no, Setsuna is not "gay" for Kira, as we often see associated among the AS cast. Kira allows Setsuna to be himself, something that he's constantly fighting for and was often rejected while growing up, and is, for all intents and purposes, Setsuna's constant. The one he turns to when he's completely lost and who tells him exactly what he most needs to hear, however harsh it may be. I think saying Setsuna truly sees Kira as his brother figure over-simplifies the relationship. But I'm not about to go into the ambiguous realms that are far too easily poked in Yuki's works. Ultimately the true bond goes to Sara, that's obvious and eternal, but Kira fits into some not entirely distant space that Setsuna will probably never realize/recognize. Honestly, he has no reason to.
Still, I can't say that he doesn't want Kira to himself at times and never went to find Kira to pull him away from his gang. Setsuna does have his selfish side to him and hanging around Kira makes him happy. Does he care that Kira hangs around people who hate him? Nope. Kira lets him have his life so he's not about to get on Kira's case for having friends that suck if they don't bother Kira. Or you know, Sara. In that case, he'd just kick their ass so it would be a non-issue. The general dynamic just makes things very interesting. As a matter of fact, the only time Setsuna takes a stand in Kira's life as far as that goes is when he sees him lying to himself. Setsuna is very adamant about this, possibly because it opens up this "vulnerable" side of Kira that Setsuna knows Kira is uncomfortable with. Possibly because Setsuna wants to be able to offer the same assurance Kira does for him. Not that it ever works. \o/
Moving onto camp, Setsuna can't ignore the somewhat-imposed distance Kira displays now. He just refuses to acknowledge it whenever he can. Setsuna lives on the known, on what he can fall back on. That being Kira will probably never change. If Kira wants to put up a front, Setsuna will accept it, but Kira is still Kira as far as he's concerned. This is why Kira denying his feelings is nowhere near as troubling to Setsuna as Kira denying himself, his humanity. Each time serves as a reminder that Setsuna's chances of getting back his ideal family are devastatingly slim, and it's something Setsuna would still rather not face. Setsuna understands who Kira really is, he does, but he can really only deal with Kira right now. The one he understands. Lucifer... presents too many questions. So he's happy just focusing on the fact that Kira's here.
In conclusion, Kira = family. Interpret however you wish.
And in the end, I've answered nothing. Awesome! You may beat me now.
*Warning: This makes no sense, proves that I think Setsuna is a bit psychotic and is the lamest non-answer in the world for the major question. But it's an essay so that in itself is an accomplishment for me. It also took more than two hours and a good 30 minutes of random revision.*
SOOOO ABOUT KIRA-SEMPAI...
First some background: Setsuna's relationships, regardless of how platonic or nay they may be, have always rattled discordantly in my mind. A lot of this has to do with how emotionally... bizarre Setsuna is. I say bizarre because that's the best way I can explain a character who can take things in the most extreme way possible (forcing people away to protect them, getting all suicidal, losing it completely whenever he fails to protect someone, sacrificing almost anything in the pursuit of selfish love) and yet still show this blunt "I'll help you but you must also try/want to save yourself" attitude when people need him most.
I think this is the after-effect of his natural inclination to protect (not saying this is entirely Messiah-related but that's probably tied somewhere in there) and his constant questioning about whether he deserves to be loved. Some of this can be attributed to his issues with his parents (particularly his mother and her denouncement of him as something wrong), some to his own self-dislike (not able to confess his feelings for a long time and yet not able to relinquish them either) and some as an afterimage of Alexiel and her own set of issues (ultimately betraying Rociel). Either way, Sara comes heavily into play in this scenario through her being there and one of his first true sources of unconditional love, someone who wants him around. And no, I am not brave enough to essay on Sara. YET.
So anyway, you start out with a confused, self-hating kid whose soul is already well-accustomed to being miserable and abused and who probably blames himself a great deal for his splintered family (which probably has more to do with his asshole of a cheating father.) This creates a bit of a violent, defensive side, further fed by Alexiel's blood-lust and often matched with that extreme protective instinct. Setsuna's also used to things never being sugar-coated around him and so develops this blunt outlook on life, not pessimistic but more "well, this is obvious." As Kira says early on, this tends to piss people off and then Setsuna goes on the defensive in his own crazy way. With all these warring emotions, something's bound to SNAP. And it does. A lot.
Enter Kira.
I'm easily convinced Setsuna thought Kira was crazy at first. Crazy for putting himself into Setsuna's life. Also that whole throwing firecrackers thing. But crazy worked for Setsuna since crazy was a distraction from everything else. So he started to press the point, to seek Kira out. Which probably led to those "HEY show me how you did that!" situations and eventually the "Where you going? Can I come too?" situations. What brat isn't mesmerized by the bigger and stronger kid who doesn't push him away or beat up on him for kicks and even willingly drags him along at times? Even if half of those times Setsuna just wanted to sulk and Kira was like hell no. The distraction Kira presented was just the sort of channeling Setsuna needed at times, not to mention those pretty earrings that quelled the KILLING RAGE.
Setsuna immersed himself in his semi-badboy mentorship with Kira and along the way realized Kira didn't give two shits what his issues were and would even put up with him when he bitched about them. Things stopped being just about getting away from everything that sucked and started being about being around someone who *got* him. Who didn't mind what he was and who would back him up if he actually needed it. In a word, family. And since Sara is the only family Setsuna has ever actually had, Kira was yanked into that mess. This is why Setsuna's ideal world will always be one where he can be happy with Sara and Kira. Canon tells us he can accept having only part of this, but the dream never truly fades.
Kira is also the person who constantly validates Setsuna. Though as it's been stated, he won't fight his battles, he gives Setsuna confidence to follow his own path. When Setsuna was fucked up by his life, Kira showed him there was still someone who didn't care if he was a freak. When Setsuna was trapped in his love for Sara, Kira was the first person to help him understand love can't be wrong. When Setsuna loses Sara and nearly loses his mind, it's Kira who brings him back and accepts Setsuna's asinine wish to retrieve Sara from Hades. And of course in later canon, his dying words are to confirm Setsuna is his own person and not just the reincarnation of this influential angel.
This final scene with Kira as we know him is important since a major bone of contention with Setsuna is who Kira loves more: him or Alexiel. Know this is an extremely stream-lined way of putting the Setsuna/Alexiel/Kira situation since the whole not quite jealousy deal is a mixture of Setsuna's own emotional anxiety, his fear of losing what he has left and his general dislike of having his life out of control and ruled by the fate of someone else. Choosing Alexiel over him pretty much equates to not needing Setsuna. Since his whole deal is being wanted, this is a bad thing. That and he does want Kira to see HIM. He kind of gets over this, but that's mostly for the sake of reasoning with Lucifer, and Setsuna doesn't easily merge the two. He either addresses one or the other, using different points for each. But more on that later.
With all this in mind, that Setsuna loves Kira is no question. BUT no, Setsuna is not "gay" for Kira, as we often see associated among the AS cast. Kira allows Setsuna to be himself, something that he's constantly fighting for and was often rejected while growing up, and is, for all intents and purposes, Setsuna's constant. The one he turns to when he's completely lost and who tells him exactly what he most needs to hear, however harsh it may be. I think saying Setsuna truly sees Kira as his brother figure over-simplifies the relationship. But I'm not about to go into the ambiguous realms that are far too easily poked in Yuki's works. Ultimately the true bond goes to Sara, that's obvious and eternal, but Kira fits into some not entirely distant space that Setsuna will probably never realize/recognize. Honestly, he has no reason to.
Still, I can't say that he doesn't want Kira to himself at times and never went to find Kira to pull him away from his gang. Setsuna does have his selfish side to him and hanging around Kira makes him happy. Does he care that Kira hangs around people who hate him? Nope. Kira lets him have his life so he's not about to get on Kira's case for having friends that suck if they don't bother Kira. Or you know, Sara. In that case, he'd just kick their ass so it would be a non-issue. The general dynamic just makes things very interesting. As a matter of fact, the only time Setsuna takes a stand in Kira's life as far as that goes is when he sees him lying to himself. Setsuna is very adamant about this, possibly because it opens up this "vulnerable" side of Kira that Setsuna knows Kira is uncomfortable with. Possibly because Setsuna wants to be able to offer the same assurance Kira does for him. Not that it ever works. \o/
Moving onto camp, Setsuna can't ignore the somewhat-imposed distance Kira displays now. He just refuses to acknowledge it whenever he can. Setsuna lives on the known, on what he can fall back on. That being Kira will probably never change. If Kira wants to put up a front, Setsuna will accept it, but Kira is still Kira as far as he's concerned. This is why Kira denying his feelings is nowhere near as troubling to Setsuna as Kira denying himself, his humanity. Each time serves as a reminder that Setsuna's chances of getting back his ideal family are devastatingly slim, and it's something Setsuna would still rather not face. Setsuna understands who Kira really is, he does, but he can really only deal with Kira right now. The one he understands. Lucifer... presents too many questions. So he's happy just focusing on the fact that Kira's here.
In conclusion, Kira = family. Interpret however you wish.
And in the end, I've answered nothing. Awesome! You may beat me now.
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no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 07:47 am (UTC)Kira fully expects Setsuna will never really acknowledge the whole "KIRA-SENPAI IS DEAD" thing, and he's actually pretty happy with that >D He doesn't want to explain to Setsuna why he can't change anything. THANKS FOR BEING PREDICTABLE AND DUMB SET-CHAN
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 07:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 03:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 04:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 05:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 09:33 pm (UTC)NOT A VALID QUESTION
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 09:35 pm (UTC)infact. what about threesomes?
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 10:58 pm (UTC)